Vote For Me: Midterm Elections 2018

Photo by Mirah Curzer on Unsplash

I am seventeen years old. I haven't voted in any elections just yet, except for a mock 2008 presidential election in my 2nd grade class. That year I voted for John McCain because that was who my dad was voting for and I secretly wanted to be favored. Barack Obama surprisingly won the school election, which was strange for my Midwestern, small town, predominantly white elementary school.

Then, my seven year old self didn't really care about politics. I was too busy singing Taylor Swift on the playground. Too busy making mud pies when it rained. And, I mean, that's how it should be. Politics were always an adult thing to me. I never heard of teenagers getting revved up or emotional because Barack Obama was elected a second term. Then again, just ten years ago, everything was different. Politics weren't force-fed to us. We weren't drowning in what Trump just tweeted and what harmful executive order was going into effect next.

But now, here we are.

I am seventeen years old. I haven't voted in any elections yet, and there is a fairly important one happening very soon. If you ask me, midterms are more important than presidential elections. 35 seats of our 100 Senate seats are up for grabs. the 435 Representative spots are also up for election. Do you know what these numbers mean?

For Democrats to take control of the House of Representatives, a total of 23 seats would needed to be gained. To have the majority in the Senate, just two seats would be needed. And this doesn't seem too difficult, that is, until you look at our numbers.

The House. The Senate. The President. We are swimming in a sea of red. This would be fine and just, if it wasn't the most conservative, crazy, right-leaning Republicans with the majority. So, I'm telling you to vote.

Actually, I'm begging you. Please go vote. The executive branch is so so important, and we are lucky enough to now have the right to vote those in that we believe should represent us, our country, and our ideals. It wasn't always that way. The Senate was a millionaire boys' club, with officials elected via state legislatures. We now have and hold this power, and I think we so often take it for granted.

When you go vote, think of me. Think of your children, your grandchildren, your friend's children. It's their future that you're voting for, their future you're electing. You are holding the clay and it starts with you. Vote for me. Please vote for me. When you vote, think of the Senators and Representatives that I will have to look up to. Think of everything that could affect me, my future, and my rights. And then vote. Vote for me.

XOXO

Curtain Calling

When I was thirteen years old, I saw my first Broadway show. Kinky Boots, an astounding show with an incredible story and an even better soundtrack. The show was fun for me because I was just starting to get into my love for the drag culture, and it was even more fun because I was experiencing it with one of my best friends. She was an experienced theater-goer and this wasn't her first rodeo, but it sure was mine.

It was a crazy experience. You know that feeling you get when you walk into Disney World and you see Main Street USA? Or when you watch a crazy cool firework display on the Fourth of July? Yeah, that's exactly how I felt. Wide-eyed, unable to contain my toothy grin. I was a proper Carol Channing while watching that performance of Sex Is In the Heel.

I sat there in my seat during the performance, and I just felt something. A yearning and a beckoning. These people were on stage right in front of me! I felt like I was a part of something big and grand and miraculous. I cried with the characters and I laughed, and it was safe to say that the actors had done their jobs. I left the Fox and I downloaded the soundtrack, but I still wanted more!


I have always loved musicals and musical theatre. But I had only ever seen movies. Only ever listened to soundtracks via my iPhone. I only had watered down interpretations of what this was actually like. It was rather safe to say that I WANTED THAT. I wanted to be a part of that! I had this calling and it was ringing in the back of my measureless mind. And it grew even louder through Tony award shows and through Hamilton, and through all of the Broadway Review shows that I had performed in at my dance studio. (Oh, and that one time we did Hairspray. I'm still in love with that.)

So, I finally auditioned for a show at the beginning of August. I wore a white t-shirt and a denim skirt and red lipstick, because one of my dance teachers once told me that red was good for an audition. It's eye catching! And that's what I was going for.

I. Was. So. Nervous.

I read for the character of God (Yeah, you heard me right) and I tried to make the blurb about the Virgin Mary as funny as possible. And it must've worked, because I was cast in the show, An Act Of God. I really could not believe it! The day that I found out, it was raining, but nothing could rain on my parade. It was a good, good day. My first audition, my first show. Every other time that I had been on stage, I had been dancing. This would be my first time with actual lines and I was so ecstatic.

To make things much cheesier and much more High School Musical, it was the start of something new. I was in rehearsals almost every night of the week. I was learning and having fun with this new group of people that I got to call my friends. The theater was a new safe space and safe haven for me; another place to express myself and another place to  learn and grow. I felt my plans for the future start to change.

I'm the kind of person that falls in love so fast. And that is exactly what happened with the theatre. I just wanted to be there everyday! It was a longing that I hadn't felt since I had started ballet classes in Kindergarten. I didn't think anything could even try to compare to my love for dance, but yet there we were.

An Act Of God was my first show. I got to be back stage with one of my fast-growing best friends, Hunter. On opening night, my knees were shaking and I thought that I was definitely going to throw up the Monster energy drink that I had downed just before. But I forbore. I got a "Love you, good luck" hug from Hunter, who was playing God that evening. I got a bouquet of flowers and a pack of Reese's from sweet fourteen year old Addy, who was the second cast's God. People in the audience laughed. They laughed! I think that was the most fun of it all. To know that as a cast, you could provoke a reaction. Any kind of reaction. It was so much fun.

Love you, Good Luck.

There are so many good things about that show. It made me realize how much I love the Theatre. How much I want to be apart of it. How much it has impacted my life in such a short amount of time. It's brought new opportunities and people and friendships. And I will forever be grateful for that calling.

XOXO

Social Media: The SILENT KILLER

In this day and age, it's hard not to have social media. I mean, come on. Everything is online! We get our news from the Internet. We get our family updates and our 8 year old buddy's birthday party invitations via Facebook. Most of the laughs that equip my friend cliques come from Tweets. My recipes come from Pinterest, especially when I'm feeling super healthy. My best photos can be found on my Instagram, though a whole bunch of my cutest selfies live in the archives of my Snapchat memories.

So, if there are so many good and fun things about Social Media, how could it possibly be silently killing us all? Easy. Everything has balance. When there is one good, there is one bad. One Yin, one Yang.

I know how extreme it sounds, calling Social Media the silent killer of my generation. But it's true. Through the social media platforms of today, there is so much love and light. But there is also so much hatred and so much evil and so so so much ugly. Which really freaking sucks! The Internet was such a cool idea. Really, big ole shout out to whoever decided that social media platforms would be a great way to stay in touch and see a different side of people's lives.

But also; what the heck, man?! It is hard enough with to struggle with a mental illness. But sure, go ahead. Add the comparison and toxicity of 7 billion people on top of it why don't you.

It's hard to explain, hard to actually find the words to describe how I feel on the topic. I'm addicted to social media. Yeah, I'll say it. Hello, my name's Grace and I'm a Social Media Addict. Shocker! A seventeen year old high school student with an Internet addiction. Never heard of that before.

Really though, it's hard. Everything is so much harder with the Internet and the access to social media.

There is more fighting over one's political views, and it's always much more hateful because people feel that they can get away with their slurs. There's more comparison. I am always wondering why my life isn't picture perfect and pristine like every Instagram model's. Does she even have bad hair days or bad mental days? Why don't I have a potted succulent?

Everything is at your fingertips. You can diagnose your bad days as a crippling clinical disorder. Why is there so much evil in the news? Obviously, young children are exposed to social media and the Internet far too early. We've seen children take their own lives too many times for this not to be an issue that we talk about. Where are they learning this? Why were they pushed so close to the edge, that suicide was the answer?

Social Media Anxiety is so real. The comparison is so real. There are so many comparisons every single day. In the beginning of my childhood, there was comparison. Of course there was, there always will be. But with the rise of the Internet came a new ideal for unreachable perfection. One that we all strive for. And, if you are a perfectionist like me, it's hard when you don't hit that level of unreachable perfection. Why can't my skin be edited to perfection? Why do I live in a small town in Missouri and not a penthouse in beautiful New York? Why am I not as happy as everyone on the Internet seems to be?

Am I doing something wrong? Is there a reason why my life doesn't look like theirs? Should I always be smiling, and is something wrong with me since I am not always grinning from ear to ear? Do people really not care about the songs that I post on my Instagram stories? Is my friendship really only measured in Snapchat Streaks?

So. To wrap it all up: I think Social Media is pretty cool. But I also think we all need a break once in a while. To breathe, and to remind us where we came from. We come from books and we come from family time. We come from fuji film and face to face communication. We come from imperfections. We all start from somewhere, and I feel for the ones that will grow up not knowing a time when there was no social media. To the few of us that were there in times of no Facebook Messenger and no Snapchat, look at us go! Ugh. It was so good. I already need a cleanse.

XOXO

Return Of The Jedi

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't written in a while, for that matter. And I'm going to tell you why. Why was Grace mysteriously absent for eighty-four years? Was she on a soul searching mission through the continent of Africa with only the linens on her back and a canteen of boiled and purified water? Really, that would be super dope and I wish that was the case. But it sadly is not.

I feel like I've been on a soul searching mission. One that is still ongoing and one that I'm still trying to figure out. Since we last spoke, my spring melted into summer. I got busy with dance and work and stress of the production season, but really, in that time, I was thriving. I had a nice big group of friends from dance including boys that were brought in for production time. We were going out every week to celebrate rehearsals and the start of our new friendships. Though I was stressed with choreography, I was happy. The stress was a good stress. My medicine was working, I was going to therapy. I was so happy. Dance concert happened and our friend group was strong and we lasted into the beginning of the summer. Ugh, it was so good. And then it wasn't.

I got into a car accident on June 25th. My mother's freaking birthday! Happy birthday mom, here's a scary phone call. No one was involved and no one was injured, thank God, but I very well could have been. It was scary. All that I did was dip down into a ditch and then I couldn't get back up onto the road. I hit a sign and the ditch stopped the car from flipping and hitting a telephone pole. The car? Totaled. My summer? Nonexistent. It seemed to stop as soon as I hopped out of the car, my hands shaking and my face rushing with a tingle of adrenaline. I was, for lack of a better term, pissed.

That was when I really started to notice myself lose control. I had been doing so good. So happy. I was going to bed every night excited to wake up the next morning. I wanted to be alive! I was smiling and laughing and pst, can I tell you a secret? I even fell in love. BLEH,
EW. I KNOW, RIGHT?! And that was scary because A) I had never felt that before. B) I couldn't do anything about it  and C) There was no way that anyone could feel that way about me.

I was so in my head. My isolation began again. I felt like since I couldn't get myself places, that I didn't deserve to be there. That no one wanted me there. I deserved to feel this way. I deserved every negative thought that was going through me. My suicidal thoughts started to relapse and I was so lost. Exhausted. Drained. Numb.

A good friend of mine reached out to me in this time of need and invited me to church. I'm very open with the idea of God. I believe there's a something, a someone. I needed to surround myself with people and good energy again. So, I went. Is it cheesy to say that it changed me? Even just a little bit?

It was refreshing. It was good to know that there is always someone to love you. There is always something listening if you are brave enough to speak. There is always something or someone pushing you in the direction that you need to go in. And I loved that. I needed that.
Since then, I've had a lot of questions about religion and my own personal journey through faith and spirituality. It's good to have a group of people that can sit down and answer my questions and guide me through this because I still feel so lost. But we're getting there!

School has started back up, and so has dance. I'm hoping that the routine helps me get back into a better mindset. It's my senior year and the last thing I want to be doing is crying in my bed over how lonely and sad I am. I'm taking classes at the local college, and I was even cast in the Autumn play! Better things are coming. It is just hard to remember sometimes.

XOXO