So, Grace.
We believe that Jesus died on the cross.
Mmmhmm.
We believe he rose in three days and that's where our salvation comes from, right?
Yes.
Okay. So with that, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Crazy, right?
I never really thought I was going to be baptized. It had never been a thing that I had anticipated, or even planned to do. For the longest time, I wasn't even sure if I believed in God. I was wandering aimlessly through my life. I thought that we all lived, and we all died, and that was that on that. If you ask me, I would say that that ideation shoved me deeper into the depths of my depression. I didn't even think I had a purpose. Because if we all ended, then what was the point? It was scary to me, and I didn't like the thought of nothingness. Pure, black, nothingness. The thought alone shoved me into a spiral of anxiety in the summertime. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't really eating. I was isolating.
Then, a friend invited me to church.
I enjoyed the idea of church, but I have never been one for organized religion. The thought scared me. I didn't like what some religions preached and I didn't like what some people that identify as certain religions would say. Some are full of a hatred that I can't imagine feeling; a hatred that they say is pushed by "God's Word." That is a whole bunch of BS, by the way. But that was why I was so hesitant at first! Though I have plenty of religious friends and know plenty of loving Christians, I could've never seen myself as one.
Going to church, though; that helped me. That opened me up. There was singing and scripture and so much love. It was like a large family reunion, just without the tacky t-shirts. It was great to feel welcome in a place and environment that I had never been in before. There I sat, a newbie in the world of God and Jesus and religion, and I didn't feel overwhelmed. That was huge for me!
I found myself wanting to actually go every Sunday. Let me put that into perspective; something was making me want to get up before ten am on a Sunday morning. Like, what? When did that happen?
I was launched into the deep end suddenly and I wasn't scared. I had so many people guiding me. Any questions that I might have, I had people to go to. I had Panera lunch dates to go over my thoughts and learn more. I had FaceTime conversations with my best friend's dad, who was just as excited to help me with my new spiritual life as I was. There were so many people all at once and it was so exciting. I still was not overwhelmed.
It wasn't until about December of last year that I decided baptism was something I wanted to do. I felt inclined to do so. I was going to church. I was singing the songs, going over scripture, reading my bible every day. I was even praying and I never did that before. I liked the way that I was heading. I loved this new light that I had found. It was like God had taken my heart into my hands, and together we were off.
I was baptized on February 24th, 2019. I wasn't really nervous that day during the morning service at church, but then I headed to the bathroom to change. My hands were shaking as I pulled on a pair of shorts that I didn't mind to get soaked. Why was I shaking? It was the strangest thing.
I stepped into the baptism pool with Ben Moss, who is a family friend of mine. His entire family has helped me through my faith, and really, I would credit them to guiding me the most. I started feeling it all of a sudden. Like a wave of emotions had just washed over me. I wasn't expecting to cry but I was tearing up and swallowing the lumps that were forming in my throat, thinking oh god please don't be dramatic in this pool. I looked at my family, and everyone was smiling. I looked at my friends- some of whom I had found through my religious journey- and they were crying. I looked to the young girls in the back of the room that I teach in jazz and tap class, and they were all waving feverishly.
I was then baptized in the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. The water was warm and when I came back up, everyone was cheering me on. I had just done that! I had fully welcomed God into my heart and my life.
That surely was something I was not expecting, but it was a great thing to do in my 2019. I am so excited to see what more my year has in store, and where my journey with God alongside me will take me.
Psalms 16:8
I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
XOXO
