I had a friend once. A best friend. One that I spilled my secrets to. One that shared her favorite television shows and movies with me. One that gave me good advice, one that offered a shoulder to cry on when I needed it. One that was honest and kind and gentle. She was everything that a friend should be.
Until she wasn't.
Losing a friend is a lot like a bad breakup. It's painful and it's sad and it makes you hate that person so much, but sometimes, it's actually for the better. And when you get out of that relationship, you get to see. You get to turn around and see the path of chaos and destruction that this person left in your life. And you just stand there, like oh. Okay. This is better for me. I'll be okay without them.
It took me months to figure this out. For the longest time, I was set on the idea that I had done something wrong. That maybe it was my fault, because hey; that's what she told me! I still believed her because I trusted and, quite honestly, loved her. She was my best friend, after all. I would've done anything for her. Even paint myself as the bad guy.
Now, I'm not victimizing myself. I know what happened between us. I had a hand in the falling out, too. But for the most part, it was because of her toxicity. She didn't like that I knew what was going on. She didn't like that I confronted her about it, she didn't like the fact that she could be wrong or hurtful. To make a long story short, it was best that we go our separate ways. I won't lie; there's still tension. We're not acquaintanced anymore. We don't talk or make eye contact, and we try to stay out of each other's ways.
Toxic people come in many different shapes and sizes. Some may be your parents or grandparents. Others may be friends, lovers, teachers. It's a sad thing to recognize, but it is the truth. You are extremely strong-willed and capable if you are able to weed out these people whose main goal and purpose in life is to make your own hell on earth.
It is so extremely hard to find out that your best friend is not really your best friend. It's like a stab in the back. You've trusted and looked up to and loved this person, and suddenly, they aren't there. At the toss of a hat, they have moved on to something different. Someone different and better.
I wish things were different. Sometimes I wish that things could be better again and that we weren't just ghosts to each other, passing by and not noticing or caring anymore. How one person that you trusted the most can turn into a stranger so quick is astonishing to me. I know all of these little Jeopardy facts about a stranger. Her favorite television show, favorite food. But she's a stranger.
May you have the courage to weed out the bad people in your life. Maybe you, too, will be happy with the choices you've made. Always move forward.
XOXO
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